At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
