glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
