first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
