I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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