Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
