when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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