Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
