you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
