Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
