the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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