True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
