Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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