The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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