omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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