He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
