hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
