is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
