I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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