Umm I'm too high to move.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
