Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
