he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
