My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
