i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
