garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
