i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
