If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
