hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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