I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize