i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
