did you get engaged???
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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