she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
