Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
