I'm really into asian looking animals
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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