but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
