Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
