I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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