And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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