Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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