dude i'm inner monologue high
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
