I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
