You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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