addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
