I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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