Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
