my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
