I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
