Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
