How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
