She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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