Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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