My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
