ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
