I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
