she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
