I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
