I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year