ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND