wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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