Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

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(903): I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks. http://tfl.nu/2ww3

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.

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(610): Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man. http://tfl.nu/0eqn

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(519): View more from Ontario

oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.

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(519): oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo. (1-519): like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family. http://tfl.nu/xf88

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(386): View more from Florida

I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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(386): I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife http://tfl.nu/xcgm

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(203): View more from Connecticut

using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.

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(203): using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs. http://tfl.nu/lgyg

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(620): View more from Kansas

my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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(620): my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts http://tfl.nu/naa2

Replies (30) Good night (4312) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.

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(978): Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined. http://tfl.nu/nnky

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(518): View more from New York

I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.

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(518): I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave. http://tfl.nu/ne75

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(801): View more from Utah

If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.

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(801): If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke. http://tfl.nu/6dxv

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.

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(817): I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore. http://tfl.nu/onr6

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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(978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.

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(502): I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon. http://tfl.nu/32fk

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?

(315): View more from New York

Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.

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(202): Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse? (315): Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance. http://tfl.nu/q51f

Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (217)
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(315): View more from New York

WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.

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(315): WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF. http://tfl.nu/3w9f

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences

(919): View more from North Carolina

great clearly means different things to us

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(919): The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories (1-919): Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences (919): great clearly means different things to us http://tfl.nu/ha8x

Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (170)

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