how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.