Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
