Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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