I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
