I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
