I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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