Fuck appropriateness.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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