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Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
