I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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