I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
