my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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