To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
