When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
