WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
