your room smells of hookers.
And success
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
