And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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