but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
