Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
