I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
