Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize