We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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