Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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