a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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