Your mouth is God's brothel.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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