Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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