I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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